I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
