You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
