He told me they were just razor bumps!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
