I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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