i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
