so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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