i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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