oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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