perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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