What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
