if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
