Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
