someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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