Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
