I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
