we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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