I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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