I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
