You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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