Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
