Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize