She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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