I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
