So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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