Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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