this boner is exhausting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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