My hair reeks of homosexuality.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
