Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
