your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
