In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
