the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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