you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
