What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
