i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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