Its about making memories worth repressing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
