what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just googled if crying burns calories
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
