I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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