My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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