I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
