Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
