so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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