He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
