Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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