i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
