i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
