proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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