and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
