She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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