Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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