i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
