just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
