were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
