I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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