This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
