Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
