Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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