It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
