I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Terrible idea I love it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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