There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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