How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
