WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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