Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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