spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
