They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
