wat bout pragnant strippers??
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
