brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
