This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
