I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
