I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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